Hemp vs. Marijuana

My Dad and I have a backyard vegetable garden; one of the more unique things we are growing this year is industrial hemp. Since many people don’t know the difference between hemp and marijuana and since we just had someone steal hemp plants directly from our backyard¬†(obviously under the impression that it was weed),

I decided to explain the difference between the two plants in the form of a metaphor:

Hemp is like that super overachieving cousin/ sibling you may have. Everything they do is great; they’re top- of- their- class, captain of a winning sports team, and are always involved in volunteer work. You can hardly find anything wrong with them at all. You might want to hate them for being so perfect but you can’t because they’re so freaking¬†nice.

Marijuana is more or less the family screw- up. Always the life of every party they go to (and they go to many, many parties), nobody really takes them seriously. Though to be fair they can do some great things if steered in the right direction; but, for the most part, they are just there to have a good time. All in all, likely to get the smallest share of grandma’s inheritance.

Coming full circle, the most important thing I can think to emphasis is hemp contains (very) little to no THC. Which leads me to my last and possibly most important difference:

Hemp won’t get you high.

SO DON’T STEAL IT FROM MY BACKYARD.¬†

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PS- If you’re going to take something, take zucchini. Seriously. We’d love it if you stole some.

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UPDATE/ EDIT:

It was pointed out to me that both hemp and marijuana are in the same cannabis family. Imagine having that last name in middle school.

I love my family

Conversations between my older brother and I:

Me: Oh, now I remember why I needed to go to Wal- Mart.

Him: Why’s that?

Me: To get a new travel mug. ‘Cause I had one last year…

Him: Yeah, but you stole it.

Me: That’s besides the point. At least I didn’t loose it!

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At the college library looking at the field’s scoreboard:

Him: Did you see that they keep the ads on? It’s weird…

Me: I’m not saying it was aliens. But, it was aliens.

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In the car:

Him: I thought it was pretty weird the first time I saw it.

Me (in a weird squeaky voice): I thought you were pretty weird the first time I saw you but then the people who birthed me told me you were my brother and I was like “oh crap”