I Just Want to Pee Alone

About a week ago a friend contacted me asking if i could pet sit her dog and 2 cats for the weekend.


That’s not right….

“Dog” should’ve been “hyperactive puppy” and “2 cats” ought to have been followed with “who are very happy to show you that they’re not de-clawed”.

Other than the animals insisting on sleeping with me, then waking me up at freaking 4 am (because “who doesn’t want their face clawed off?”) and again at 5 am (because “the sun’s almost up which means it’s time to play”) it was a pretty chill weekend.

But I couldn’t pee alone.

I have a very sweet mut at home who occasionally freaks- the- hell- out when left alone inside for long periods of time but even he can stand to be outside of a closed door for 4 minutes while I use the restroom.

I would close the door and OH MY GOD SHE MUST BE DYING! The dog starts to whimper and the cats claw the door. And if I don’t open the door right away and DEAR GOD SHE MUST’VE FALLEN AND CAN’T GET BACK UP! I’LL ALERT THE NEIGHBORHOOD BY BARKING/ MEOWING MY HEAD OFF.

I open the door after I’ve finished my business all exasperated and ask “What is it? What is so important??” (Because irrationally yelling at animals is always the answer)

And the dog looks a me like “I was so worried” and the cats just make this smug little face like “shesh, don’t be so dramatic.”

I just wanted to pee alone…